ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize