My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
