those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
