if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So here I am, sexting at work.
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