Kareoke will never be a sober sport
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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