We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
