He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
