I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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