She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
