Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
