Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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