I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
