Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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