Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
