Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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