paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
