I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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