theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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