Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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