make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
