he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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