dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
