amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm too high and old for this...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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