Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
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