And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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