I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
