My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Please don't give away my fajitas
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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