So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
