So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize