So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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