where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
