well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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