I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
