are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
