my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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