I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
