Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
