Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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