i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
