I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
