I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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