he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
