hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
