What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
