I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
