he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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