My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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