its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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