She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
