I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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