went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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