it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
