That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
