erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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