I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
