im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
