I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
