Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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