I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
