He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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