omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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