so let's talk penis.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
