So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
