kristin has been a bad kristin
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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