remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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