i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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