I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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