i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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