The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
