Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
