i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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