Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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