he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
