yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
