weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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