Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
