mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
