I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize