Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
