no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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