Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
